Sex and chronic illness – two topics that often remain shrouded in silence, yet profoundly impact the lives of millions. In our latest Spoonie Sisters podcast episode, we dive headfirst into this intersection, creating a judgment-free space for conversations many of us have been denied throughout our lives. The discussion reveals how illness can dramatically alter one’s relationship with intimacy, sometimes diminishing desire completely while for others, surprisingly enhancing it.
Our host Allie shares her journey of how severe chronic illness completely altered her relationship with her sexuality. While once proudly sexual, years of debilitating symptoms, medication side effects, and constant fatigue left her disinterested in intimacy. Many Spoonies can relate to this experience – when your body is in crisis, desire often takes a backseat to survival. Only after prioritizing rest, focusing on health, and finding the right balance did she rediscover this aspect of herself. This perfectly captures a reality many chronic illness patients face: intimacy becomes another casualty of our conditions until we actively work to reclaim it.
What emerged as a powerful underlying theme was how religious upbringings and cultural taboos compound these challenges. From Catholic households to Mormon traditions, many of us were raised with shame surrounding sexuality rather than healthy, open dialogue. The contrast between co-hosts was striking – from those whose mothers openly discussed and normalized sex to others who never received basic education about their own bodies. This silence doesn’t just affect sex; it extends to how we understand menstruation, pregnancy, and our own anatomies. For chronically ill people already negotiating complex relationships with our unpredictable bodies, this foundation of misinformation and shame creates additional barriers to wholeness.
The conversation takes fascinating turns through personal stories – from winning a fake orgasm competition at Thunder Down Under to smuggling a vibrator through Middle Eastern customs with quick thinking (it’s “a shoulder massager, sir!”). These entertaining moments underscore a serious point: our discomfort with discussing sexuality leads to both humorous and potentially harmful situations. For those with chronic illness, the stakes are even higher as we navigate intimacy with bodies that frequently betray us, experience medication side effects that impact desire, and cope with symptoms that can make traditional expressions of sexuality challenging or impossible.
The episode also explores how religious practices specifically impact women’s relationships with their bodies. From Mormon temple garments with their specific symbols to rules about menstruation management, these traditions often exert control over women’s bodily autonomy. Breaking free from these restrictions requires conscious effort and sometimes dramatic personal rebellion – like one guest’s powerful story of declaring her temple name on a mountaintop as an act of reclaiming her identity. For Spoonies, this resonates deeply as we constantly battle external forces that seek to define or restrict our physical experiences.
Perhaps most importantly, the sisters discuss how breaking these generational patterns of silence is crucial for future generations. By having honest, age-appropriate conversations with young people about bodies, boundaries, and pleasure, we create a healthier foundation for their relationship with sexuality – whether they develop chronic illness or not. This work isn’t just personal; it’s deeply political and profoundly healing, allowing us to reclaim pieces of ourselves often fragmented by illness, religion, and societal expectations. For the Spoonie community, these conversations represent a vital step toward holistic healing beyond just managing symptoms.