Hey, Spoonie Community! I’m Brian Sachetta, an author in the mental health space. Like you, I’ve wrestled with chronic conditions throughout my life, namely anxiety, depression, and nerve pain.
I’ll be totally honest: I don’t know all that much about maladies such as rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, lupus, psoriasis, or multiple sclerosis — and I won’t offend you by pretending I do. Instead, in this post, I’ll attempt to approach things at a slightly broader level by zeroing in on stress and the impact it has on all of us, regardless of our individual diagnoses.
To kick things off here, allow me to state the overarching “problem” loud and clear: no matter what chronic condition you struggle with, stress makes it that much worse. Sure, maybe I don’t have a list of scientific studies proving that assertion for every affliction in the community; if you’re looking for that, well, you caught me — red-handed.
Nevertheless, at least one of the following two pertinent claims is true: either stress, quite literally, aggravates your chronic illness (as in the case of hypertension, anxiety, and ulcers), or the presence of it negatively affects your mood, which, consequently, undermines your confidence in your ability to manage your condition effectively.
Therefore, I think we can all agree that in order to thrive with the bodies we’ve been given — heck, even skate by — we’re going to have to keep stress in check.
A TWO-PRONGED STRATEGY FOR COMBATING STRESS: PRONG 1
Okay, so we now know what our goal is (decreasing the amount of stress in our lives so we experience less suffering associated with our chronic conditions). That’s good.
What we don’t yet know, however, is how we’ll accomplish that aim. Though there are many possible solutions, I’d like to propose and walk through a two-pronged approach of defense and offense — the first of which requires us to work backward.
To get us rolling on that front, let’s consider some (if not all) of the places from which our stress might emanate. I’ll offer a smattering of examples below just to speed things up:
1) A looming deadline at work
2) A calendar packed with too many events and appointments
3) Not knowing where the money will come from to cover rent for the rest of the year
4) A constant barrage of texts, emails, and Slack messages from friends, family, and colleagues
5) Getting bullied on social media or seeing other people’s curated posts and feeling “less than”
6) Instability or confrontation in one or more specific relationships
7) Upsetting news stories or headlines
Once you’ve identified a handful of frequent stressors from your own life, I’d like you to hone in on just one of them. If you need help choosing, go with the one that seems least intimidating.
Then, after making your selection, I want you to devise one action you can take right now to defend yourself against the next wave of said stressor.
For example, if you were to pick item four above (“A constant barrage of texts, emails, and Slack messages from friends, family, and colleagues”), one thing you could do to guard against it would be to go into your smartphone’s settings and create a “do not disturb” (DND) filter / “focus mode” that remains active during the most hectic portions of your day.
Of course, I realize that turning off every last one of your notifications isn’t exactly feasible these days (after all, we all have bosses and loved ones to report to). That said, there’s still a potential fix here; we just have to get a little creative.
Luckily, both Apple and Android’s operating systems now let us customize said filters to our liking, allowing certain apps or people to reach us even when we’ve proverbially “gone off the grid.”
For instructions on how to do such a thing on your own device, see the links below:
-Apple / iOS: https://support.apple.com/guide/iphone/allow-or-silence-notifications-for-a-focus-iph21d43af5b/ios
-Android: https://support.google.com/android/answer/9069335?hl=en#zippy=%2Cset-who-can-interrupt-you
Now, it also goes without saying that merely muting your phone time and again isn’t going to magically remove all stress from your life. I get that, and I’m not attempting to argue it will.
All I’m trying to do is highlight the importance of the underlying process here, for as we learn to view our various stressors as things we can guard against (rather than simply endure), and then carry out actions to help us do just that, we’ll slowly build routines that promote tranquility.
That’s why, before bolting off to the following section, I ask that you run through the same quick exercise we just did — only this time, in the context of a few more of the stressors you identified above. If you do it right, you may very well be on your way to less strain as soon as tonight or tomorrow.
FURTHER COUNTERACTING STRESS: PRONG 2
Alright, so we’ve developed something of a preventative approach for dealing with stress. That should definitely aid us in our daily struggle.
Nonetheless, there will undoubtedly be times when, despite our best efforts, stress breaks through our defenses and wreaks havoc on our physical and mental well-being. That’s where the latter prong of our new strategy comes in.
So, just what is it? It’s the task of coming up with our favorite relaxing activities and participating in them whenever we feel overwhelmed.
For the most part, these outlets will look like your traditional “self-care” pursuits. That said, there are two main differences between what I’ll suggest here and your average Buzzfeed-style list of recommendations.
The first is that these activities must be ones that work for you.
Sure, a pastime such as meditation is great and all, but if it never gets you out of your high-stress states or isn’t viable for you because you’ve got two toddlers running around all day, screaming, then there’s no sense in trying to force it; we’ll have to come up with something else.
Thus, with that in mind, and in the spirit of providing y’all with as many ideas as I can, let’s jump back into brainstorming mode. Once again, I’ll lay out some candidates to get you started:
1) Drinking herbal tea such as chamomile or peppermint
2) Going for a walk without your phone (or phone on airplane mode)
3) Listening to your favorite music (with no other distractions)
4) Doing some journaling
5) Playing a board game (and putting your devices away)
6) Watching a stand-up comedy special on TV (again, no phone)
7) Getting a massage or using a massage gun of your own to unwind
8) Calling a close confidant to shoot the breeze
9) Doing some “earthing” (putting your bare feet on grass for 5-10 minutes with no interruptions)
10) Drawing, sketching, or painting something
Once you think up several options you believe to be practical, reliable, and achievable, write them down (either on paper or in a notes application on your device). That way, you can seamlessly recall and engage in them the next time you’re stressed out to move yourself back toward calm.
Now, before I have you protesting, “But, Brian, few things in life are ever as easy as reading a sentence or two off our phones,” let me say, “You’re right, and I agree.” In fact, that’s the precise logic underlying the second key difference between my teachings here and your average “listicle” (the same discrepancy I alluded to above).
Therefore, without further ado, let me describe that disparity as succinctly as I can. It goes something like this:
Because life is so busy these days, and stress often besieges us without warning, there are many times when we become so overwhelmed, so quickly, that we forget to pull out our lists of relaxation techniques whatsoever. As such, in order to use this “prong” with true effectiveness, we’re going to have to set up our lifestyles / routines in ways that naturally guide us into the activities on said indexes, regardless of the day’s demands.
For instance, let’s suppose you’ve added item seven above to your list of stress-reduction methods (“Getting a massage or using a massage gun of your own to unwind”) and now want to ensure you leverage it no matter what your day throws at you.
Assuming that’s the case, two simple suggestions would be to put a massage / self-massage session on your digital calendar so you receive a reminder for it or to lay your massage gun down on your pillow. That way, you won’t go through the day without at least something nudging you into your desired behavior.
The same kind of reasoning holds for countless other tranquility-inducing procedures as well. For example, you could place a week’s worth of herbal tea sachets in your backpack, briefcase, or purse so they’re always staring up at you when you open your bag.
Or, if you instead wish to commit to a fun and revitalizing, Monopoly-filled night, you could text your gaming partners and tell them that if you skip out, you’ll pay each of them $10 (or whatever sum you’d find annoying to cough up but not devastating).
Once you’ve completed this second thought exercise in full, you’ll have the beginnings of a game plan for lowering stress — one you can use to not only mitigate tension when it comes your way but also ensure that less of it shows up in the first place.
FOCUS ON THE SMALL WINS
Though I spent the entirety of this post reflecting on stress and how to combat it, I must still confess: dealing with it is hardly ever a breeze. In reality, this stuff is frustrating, challenging, and, at times, downright maddening.
We’re all burned out, pulled in every which direction, running on fumes, and just hoping to make it through the day. Our chronic conditions have pushed us to the brink and robbed us of just about all we’ve got.
Yet, with a few minor tweaks to our habits, we can start to take the reins back from stress and make managing our diagnoses a tad easier.
Of course, I can’t guarantee that doing so will heal us entirely (after all, who would I be kidding?), but I can promise you this:
If you can find a way to decrease the amount of stress in your life, you will give your body a chance to recharge. And with a little more fuel in the tank, you’ll be better equipped to handle the next bout of chaos that greets you.
Sometimes, all you need is one small win to turn the tide back in your favor. And while enacting the changes I’ve outlined here (and sticking with them) in pursuit of said victory will require discipline, courage, and creativity, fear not, for you’re a Spoonie. And that means you’ve had all those things inside you for quite some time now.
I wish you the best on your health journey, and I pray that some relief and equanimity are finally heading your way.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you believe I could be of assistance. I’m always eager to chat with fellow community members.
Until then, best of luck.
To hear more about Brian be sure to listen to his episode, Unveiling the Art of Anxiety Management: Insights from Brian’s Journey, DECEMBER 17, 2023, SEASON 3 EPISODE 16
Unveiling the Art of Anxiety Management: Insights from Brian’s Journey (buzzsprout.com)