Competition is a natural human instinct, but in the chronic illness community, it can manifest in unexpected and sometimes unhealthy ways. In our latest Spoonie Sisters podcast episode, we explored the complex relationship between competition, comparison, and chronic illness with hosts Jen Weaver, Andy Byers, Linnea Knisley, and Angelique Ingram.
The conversation began with a powerful distinction between inspiration and comparison. As Angelique noted, being inspired by someone’s journey is healthy and motivating – it can push us to show up more authentically in our communities. However, when inspiration transforms into negative comparison (“she published a journal and I suck”), we spiral into spaces where we stop showing up altogether. This subtle shift from “I’m inspired by what you did” to “I could do that better than you” creates toxicity within our community.
The hosts candidly shared their experiences with comparison, particularly during early diagnosis. Linnea described how she stopped engaging with social media in the chronic illness community because she found herself harshly comparing her capabilities to others with the same condition. What many newly diagnosed people don’t realize is that social media rarely shows the full 24-hour reality of living with chronic illness – only the highlight reel makes it to Instagram. This creates unrealistic expectations and deepens feelings of inadequacy when someone can’t replicate what they see others accomplishing.
Each host shared their personal journey through jealousy and anger – emotions rarely discussed openly in chronic illness spaces. Andy’s powerful story of serving in the military while battling for diagnosis and support resonated deeply. For sixteen years, she faced accusations of faking symptoms and pushed through deployments with no accommodations. Her experience highlights how jealousy often isn’t directed toward other chronically ill individuals, but toward able-bodied people who don’t understand our struggles.
The conversation took a powerful turn when discussing the importance of community support. As Linnea beautifully expressed, finding Jen brought her “a whole cheerleading squad” after years of limited support. This sentiment echoes throughout the chronic illness community – the transformative power of finding people who truly understand your experience without judgment or expectation.
For those newly diagnosed, the hosts offered invaluable advice: avoid comparison, take a pause to understand your own journey before explaining it to others, be cautious with internet research, give yourself grace for small accomplishments, and perhaps most importantly – let go of yesterday’s struggles to embrace today’s possibilities. As Jen shared, “Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday.”
The episode concluded with a beautiful call to action from Linnea: “Compete in kindness instead of competing in suffering.” Rather than comparing symptoms or capabilities, the chronic illness community grows stronger when we celebrate each other’s wins – both big and small – and recognize that every step forward for one is progress for all.
This conversation reminds us that while competition may be instinctual, compassion is revolutionary – especially within a community facing invisible battles every day. By shifting from comparison to connection, we transform our individual journeys and strengthen the collective resilience of the chronic illness community.
Competition or Comparison: Finding Your Place in Chronic Illness